"It was horrible … You just want to be able to walk out of your house and turn your face to the sun and stumble down a corner where you have some memory, and you’re not really allowed any of that … I felt like I was going crazy. It was too much — trying to deal with what had happened and trying to deal with what was at our doorstep. I just felt trapped. And it’s not just me — there’s somebody else who I’m trying to protect, and I can’t. I can’t make it stop, I can’t make it go away. Trying to find ways to explain it or shield [Matilda] from it. It’s like you’re trying to go about your life, and make dinner … but the roof is off of your house, and the walls are falling down."